“Abay yaar (dude), yesterday’s match was amazing!” the one with his hair jelled up so straight that they seemed to touch the clouds exclaimed.
“I know. And that beauty of a sixer by Lala in the 48th over was just waah (wow)!” the other replied, now this one, thankfully, wasn’t aiming at the sky with his hair, though he had so many words formed on his head through the shaver that only on a tenth attempt would you figure out one letter.
“Hey bro, look. Champu (nerd)!” the porcupine head muttered loudly.
The guy walking past the two knew they were addressing him, being used to it he kept walking. Suddenly he felt someone pulled at his hair, he turned to face Gajni, standing next to whom was porcupine head.
“A centre part? Seriously dude?” he was asked, he shrugged and started walking but was yanked back by the guys.
“Ha! I bet he can’t speak English!”
“Lame! Look at his lame shirt.”
“He has never heard of Ray Banz I guess.”
Having had enough of them, the type of guys he considered ‘American’, he spoke up.
“Haan main English bol skta hoon, aur dekho! Man goonga bhi nhi. Mujhay beech ki maang nikaal ni hai, tumhay koi masla? Aur mujhay pata hai yeh Ray Banz sun glasses hee hain jo tum mall kay andr pehen kr ghoom rahay ho. Meri shirt tumhari in chichori shirts say tou behtar hee hai.” Surprised and proud at the same time, Ali shut himself up.
(“Yes, I can speak English and behold! I’m not mute. I like centre parts and am gonna do just that, do you have a problem? And I know that these are Ray Banz sunglasses you’re sporting inside a mall. And my shirt is definitely better than your cheap ones.”)
“Oh! How do we know you speak English? Chal nikal paindu (“go away nerd”).” Porcupine head snapped.
“Aur koi gal (“anything more”)?” Ali said, speaking the last word with a touch of Punjabi.
“Abay dekh (“O look”)! Punjabi! How lame yaar (dude)!” Gajni remarked.
“Why do you think so? You know Punjabi is the medium of desi rap that you all love so much, the day Tom Cruise starts centre-parts you’d all be doing the same and Urdu happens to be used in the majority of Bollywood films.” Ali replied with a smirk.
The other two had been left speechless, probably for the first time in their entire lives.
Why did they all so desperately want to swap cultures with the West ? What did people like them have against being Pakistani?
Ali, along with many others, failed to understand.
His eyes happened to glance down at their feet and both of them were sporting converse, Ali smiled and looked back up at their faces.
“You know, jinn kay peechay tum apna culture chorr rahay ho woh tumharay assli culture ko copy karrahay hain.”
(“You know you’re leaving your culture behind, and for the ones you’re doing it are copying yours.”)
The two guys gave him confused looks.
“Jaisay kay Paul Smith aur uss ki 600 dollars ki Peshawri chappal.”
(“Just like Paul Smith and his 600 dollars worth Peshawri shoe.”)
By: Fatima Arshad